Death Camp Auschwitz

January 31st, 2007 will definitely be a day in my life I will always remember. Today was definitely the most somber day I've had since Sept. 11, 2001. I visited the Auschwitz Museum. At first the name "Auschwitz Museum" seems to be a terrible name to call the terror and death machine of the Nazi regime. "Museum" and "terror" (or ethnic cleansing-genocide) don't seem to match in my book. When I think of museum I think of the Louve, the Smithsonian or something light having to do with art and artifacts. I've never been to a museum where the objects you view have everything to do with suffering and death not to mention the evil capacity for humans against human.

As I walked on to the grounds of Auschwitz 1 this morning and caught my first glance of the famous and ironically eerie entrance which reads, "Arbeit macth frei" I braced myself for what I would hear and see in the following hours. "Arbeit Macth frei" means, "work will set you free". The Nazi's were master deceivers and all the way through the tour I was dumbfounded by how organized and systematic their lies were. They were masterminded liars--and their lies were believed. Work will set you free, yes, I guess that could be true in the lives of the concentration camp victims if freedom is freedom through death alone.

I was not at Disneyland, this was no carnival, this wasn't even a fun exhibition. It is a place of remembering and acknowledging what can go wrong in humanity. SO WRONG! Yet, still knowing this title of "museum" sounds too "fun". The tour got started after a short graphic video presentation. One of the first "exhibition halls" we entered had a room with a glass window. In front of us was a room full of human hair. It doesn't seem real. Was that really HUMAN hair? In front of my was hair of real people who had been brutally exploited and murdered. It wasn't just hair in front of me of any breathing organism but of human people; real people with names, families, dreams, hopes, faith, education, fear, joy, confusion, and courage.

We saw the barrack where 400-700 people lived( 5-7 people per bunk with three tiers) , where people went to the bathroom (only twice a day with constant fear of being beaten, where people were put to horrible medical testing (male and female sterilization experiments, children with a twin research, etc), cramped standing torture cells, suffocation rooms, starvation rooms, hall of death (with a wall where they shot people in the nude), and crematoriums. Yes, this was all very unlike any other "museum".

I found a personal challenge. I felt so twisted inside as we saw evidence of all of this. I wasn't responding to what I was seeing with they type of emotion that I expected. I expected this day to possibly bring me to tears. But there were no tears and honestly there wasn't even feelings of consuming anger or sadness. I had to ask myself, "have I gone cold"? "Do I just have a hard heart?" What I was seeing was so beyond my idea of what humanity is capable of. It can't be real... yet it is very much REAL. For me there was a head and heart disconnect. It seems impossible for hundreds of thousands of people to be gassed and murdered, that prisoners would be forced to enter into the gas chamber to extract gold and silver fillings from the murdered. It doesn't seem possible that the same living prisoners would be ordered to cut off the dead peoples hair for use by the Nazi's for something else. That hair was later used to make textiles. Those textiles made uniforms. Some of those uniforms were worn by concentration camp prisoners (if I understood correctly)

None of this seems humanly possible which leads me to believe that it was all so very inhuman. No wonder I didn't have a tear filled day. It was beyond that. It isn't that I've gone cold or have a hard heart. It is shock. What we saw and learned about in the very place where it occurred is heart numbing. It is so different than reading about it in a book. There may not have been tears today. I may not have felt much of anything. I have a suspicion that what I've experienced today, what I saw and visualized in the actual location, what we were taught, will go with me for many weeks to come...yes, I'm still picking my jaw up from the floor.

By the end of the day "museum", did seem like an appropriate way of describing the location of the horrible proofs and memory of such awful human happenings. A museum is by definition a place where we display objects of historical value. The operative word for me is "objects". The objects and places we saw represented human lives. Yet they also represented the objectification of human life needed for such evil to occur. Auschwitz for we was about "objects" or rather "objectification". The Nazi's or rather, Hitler, hoped to annihilate 11 million European Jews. He didn't reach his goal but he made great headway. The whole organization of the Holocaust and what we witnessed at Auschwitz could only happen because human life became for so many just an object. You can't treat people the way they did without taking the humanity out of them. The Auschwitz "Museum" is about looking at death objects and learning about how the Nazi's systematically murdered people who they could only have known as objects.

I walked away today really wondering about the other side of what we saw and learned about. We talked mostly of the prisoners. I wonder about the people who were in charge and calling the shots. I wonder about the Nazi soldiers who in my book also lost their humanity in the process. I don't understand how it is humanly possible to treat people as the Auschwitz prisoners were treated without yourself becoming subhuman. What makes Auschwitz and other places like this so sad is that everyone involved loses something.

Krakow the first hours

It was such a relief to find the hostel today. Polish people at first experience do not speak much English. From the airport I had to take a free bus to the train station. Actually it wasn't to a train station but rather a train stop were something between a train and tram took us to the train station. It was confusing and I was hoping I was in the right place. Luckily the people I sat next to spoke English and had done this before. At the train station I somehow missed the "information" desk and ventured out to the street to try and find my way to the hostel. This is where it became so clear to me that English wasn't my friend. A mother and son attempted to help me with no success. The lady at the tram ticket stand, who I bought a ticket from but never used, was in no mood to deal with my English. When I showed here in written form what I needed she backed away from the low window. I thought at first that she was going to come out of her ticket booth to help me but instead she was trying to get away from me. In truth she just ignored me. I stuck my head down and peered in close to the little window, stared her in the eyes and she looked back waving her hands and me to say get away I wont help you. I finally decided to not take a tram and to just try to walk to the hostel. I luckily asked a man for help and he spoke enough English to help me. Or maybe it was that he recognized the written street name I showed him. He said, "I'm going there. Walk with me. I will point." He picked up his pace almost testing my safeness or something. He looked at me with an inquisitive glances. We walked in total silence and alas he pointed and said "you must go two more streets". That was only half of the way. When I found the first street I needed I had to again ask for directions. This time I decided to enter a book shop and ask the young lady working the desk. She spoke some English! She pointed me in the right direction and as I was walking out the door a grandfather like man followed me and walked me to the right street. Coincidentally he so reminded me of granddad (my mom's grandfather). It was so cool.

So my first hour in Krakow was stressful to say the least but I made it. After getting settled at the hostel I went out to explore and find a proper meal. I took a walk in the streets, bought a warm pretzel, visited an old church and walked some more. I love just taking in the sights. Tomorrow I'll actually find out what I was seeing! I feel like I'm at Disneyland because the buildings remind me of Main Street. Yet, these buildings are original and real! I had an amazing dinner. I ate this polish sour soup recommended to me by the hostel receptionist. I ended up doing dinner with a total stranger. He was at least my parents age and was from London. We had great conversation and after dinner he gave me his card just in case I ran into trouble here. He is visiting his polish friend here who he said could be of help. I've met some really cool people as I've traveled. It is always so random too. There is something for me really great about not traveling in a group. I meet talk to other travelers! Tomorrow Yoni and Ken arrive and I look forward to experiencing the next few days with them. I'm glad to be going to Auschwitz with people I know!

Oh and for those who know how much I hate the winter. It snowed today and it is very cold. Somehow being here the snow and cold is not as bad. The newness of location and the great gift of travel far out ways the cold. Oh..and this winter is unseasonalby warm here. It is just at freezing here but usually it is way below freezing in Jan-Feb so I'm lucky.

Eiffel Tower and Sacre Coure

Well I'm officially a tourist today. I'm a bit torn by that actually. I much prefer people and learning about culture. Well, anything other than Taize right now would be lacking in certain "amazing" qualities.

Nevertheless today I manuevered my way on the Parisian subway system. Yeah me. Wow, thank the Lord I've learned how to manuever my way through the Seoul subway. It has been a tremendous asset today! Even as a newbie I helped show a couple from Alaska who also just literally arrived how to get to their destination. They saw me as a God-send and thought I was well experienced in Paris. Ha...yeah right.

From Taize I made my way to my hostel. That was admitedly unnerving. I didn't know how to look for street signs so my directions were meaningless. ALso, I just seem to expect that people don't speak English when in fact when I ask, I often get people who do. What a contrast from here to Korea. And yes I know they are French, but so many are happy to help. I found myself going in completely the wrong direction, contemplated taking a taxi but alas found the right way. Thank you to the French couple who came to my rescue. The hostel is just down the steps from the Sacre Coure--I'm still not sure what that church is all about. ALthought, that church is amazing! So beautiful. No words can describe so I won't do it that injustice. Maybe I'll have pictures later. I walked around after visiting the church and just soaked in the oh so different sights. Wow, I kept thinking, I'm in Paris. Later I confirmed the directions to the Eiffel Tower and I was off.

As I walked around a corner full of hotels right out of the subway before me was this very large odd iron (or some type of metal) structure. Until now I've only seen it in books. Now it was there right in front of me. The Eiffel Tower. It was surreal. Something was telling me I should be jumping up and down but I was so calm. Ok, there was a cracked smile underneath my hood (on my coat). I stayed there for a few hours just me and myself. I loved it. At first glance I was was really bummed that it wasn't more spectacular. (sorry) I'm so glad I stayed until after dark. It is spectacular at dark! The first ten minutes of the hour is especially great as there are lights flickering on the whole thing. Wonderful! I walked up to the second level and just looked, and looked and looked. I couldn't be bothered to pay the 11 euros to go all the way to the top. I saw enough.. Wow, I've been to the Eiffel Tower. Wow, I'm in Paris.

I'm at the hostel tonight and off to Krawkow, Poland tomorrow. I get to manuever my way to the airport via the subway and train. (it is the cheapest way I know of)

May the journey continue....

A WEEK OF HEAVEN--AT TAIZE

Typos...please excuse them for now!

I've just completed a week at Taize in France. WOW. I met people from Denmark, Poland, Germany, France, Spain, Latvia, Brazil, Belguim, England, Canada, USA, Russia, Norway and I'm sure I'm forgetting some of the others. I had compelling conversations within a small group. The group consisted of brilliant students from Princeton and Oxford. We talked a lot about ecumincalism...did I spell that right? We talked about what it means to be human and asked whether or not we can say that that "the spirit of God is in every human being without exception". We didn't always agree and personally I'm still not sure. We did come to the conclusion that if we all lived in a way that treated people that way -as if the spirit of God was in them--that our world could be radically changed. Even thought the conversation was amazing, for me, the best part was the worship. Taize music is wonderful and prayerful. The times of silence were like chocholate. I'm so aware of how much I need that in my life--not to mention a more intentional weekly rhythm. There is so much to write in days to come about what I encountered at Taize. Maybe a better way to explain that was to say, "In coming days I'll have to talk about how I was encountered." The life of God is witnessed in the communal life of the Taize brothers and the sisters of St. Andrews. I've never been in a place where cultures and religious backgrounds can mix freely. The theme of Taize is "pilgramage of trust". There is a lot, as I'm finding, to that.

Middle School Games: Backstabber

A game of back stabbing with clothespins. I think the students enjoyed back stabbing more than any game. Adam even got in on it! The object of the game was to not have any clothes pins on your back although it seemed more cool to have as many on your back as you could get!

Middle School Games: Kangaroo Hoop Hop

The students played a relay game of hopping and throwing hula hoops. They couldn't hop forward until they hooped their partner with a hoop.

English Camp Middle School Games: Human Knot

I actually had days to plan the middle school sports festival. We had three rounds of games. The kids had a blast even when the games tied them up in knots! They were great fun to watch and were pretty good at getting themselves untangled.

KNU English Camp

Wow, what an exhasting and fun time. I'm teaching middle school students. We have three 90 minute classes each day plus a two hour activity. Last week we took a hike in the freezing cold. It was deathly cold for a California girl. Camp is going great as far as the students and teaching is concerned. It sure is lacking in organization. On Monday I was rudely welcomed back to Korean culture with a last minute "hey Julene, you are leading and creating the scavenger hunt...tonight". It sure didn't take long to be slapped in the face by a cuture that is so different from my own. I'm dealing but not always very gracefully. So much of what I've helped out with has been last minute. It has turned out really well but, if only we had known, it could have been so much better for the kids. I think the kids are learing a lot and having fun while doing it. And I guess I too am learning and having fun.

A WEEK of Birthdays

I'm one of 5 people I know who had a birthday last week. I baked two cakes. Ah...American cake is so much better than Korean cake! There was a lot of singing, a lot of cake and a lot of well wishing. My students made my birthday day. So many said "Happy Birthday". They were so cute. Some even caught me off guard when they said, " Congratulations". I've never been told, "congratulations" on a birthday. I guess there are congratulations in order; I've lived another year. ; ) But I'm not THAT old! ; ) Thirty is just fine with me. Bring it on. On my birthday I enjoyed Vietnam food with friends and cake with the English camp gang. There wasn't much time to think about a birthday. Yet, in a week or so, as I fly to Europe, I'll have plenty of time to celebrate!

Home For Christmas

Being home for Christmas was an amazing gift. I hadn't planned nor hoped to be home for Christmas but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. It was so cool to go to a comfortable place for three weeks to rest and recollect myself. I think I could have spent another two week just being a lump on a log. I enjoyed hanging out with the family and the respective animals. Man, I miss them all already. I enjoyed going to my home church, eating good food, watching movies, planning my trip to Europe, and going on special Christmas dates with Dad, Mom and Justin and Jess. I so often forget how beautiful home is.