So many people around me, including me, are in a time of change and transition. I came across some wise advice today from Thomas Merton.
Thomas Merton
(From Echoing Silence pg 29-30)
2.27.2009
Advice on being "more real"
2.24.2009
My Stroke of Insight
I've just finished reading, "My Stroke of Insight". It is written by a neuroscientist who at 37 had a stroke. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor had and continues to have a unique insight into the brain as both a scientist and now as a stroke survivor. She lost much of her left-hemisphere's capacity. This is the language center of our brain. It is the part that analyzes and categorizes. It is the story-teller and the self-talk center. It is the part of our brain that recognizes where we as individuals start and stop and where other beings--living and non-living--begin and end.
Jill writes:
“I experienced enormous grief for the death of my left hemisphere consciousness – and the woman I had been, I concurrently felt tremendous relief. That Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor had grown up with lots of anger and a lifetime of emotional baggage that must have required a lot of energy to sustain. She was passionate about her work and her advocacy. But despite her likable and perhaps even admirable characteristics, in my present form I had not inherited her fundamental hostility. …..I had spent a lifetime of 37 years being enthusiastically committed to “do-do-doing” lots of stuff at a very fast pace. On this special day, I learned the meaning of simply “being”. (68)
The culture I know so well is the "do-do-doing" one. Yet the longing of my person is to "be-be-being". (probably because like Jill I'm more used to doing than I am to being) It is a wonder to me. How do we cultivate a way of being and a way of being present to now and here without losing the value that our "doing" selves offer ourselves and our world? How are we to be a people of both mystery and science? How are we to enjoy the benefits of our modern world without allowing our modernization to de-humanize and de-compassion us?
“With this shift into my right hemisphere, I became empathic to what others felt. Although I could not understand the words they spoke, I could read volumes from their facial expression and body language. I paid very close to how energy dynamics affected me. I realized that some people brought me energy while others took it away.” 74-5
In Korea since I could not connect to people through verbal language (left brain) I became so much more aware of the feel of my surroundings. I noticed things like the energy of a train full of people, the emotional condition of my classroom, the anxiety of people on the fast paced streets of Seoul, the elderly man staring down our loud group of foreigners on the bus. In fact the first time I became conscious of what Jill might call a "right brain" function was when I returned to the USA after living in Korea for 2 years. I had become so connected to people’s body language and emotional language that when I returned to the USA and found myself at checkout counters I was disengaged (in part) from this left-brained language center. The cashiers would talk to me, ask a clarifying question, or tell me how to use the ATM machine and I would not even hear their words. I wasn't used to people in public spaces speaking to me (besides the polite "HI"). Now that I was in my own language context I continued looking at people's facial expressions, their shoulders tensing up and leaning in towards me, and their hands motioning that there was something to pay attention to. Something in me was confused in the USA and I found public communication difficult. The cashiers emotional energy and their body language wasn't even in the same "language" as I had learned in Korea. That is when I realized I needed to listen to their English! I had to intentionally "flip a switch" in me. It is interesting to realize that living outside of one's language has the potential to make us more in tune with our right brain capacities.
Jill's uncovering of the right brain's function resonates with much of what contemplative authors or psychologists refer to as the "true self". It is fascinating that there is evidence in neurology to "prove" something that has been a mystery for many years. It is the right hemisphere that we speak of when we talk about our "heart". It is the place in us that is prepared to "have faith", to love, and to know peace and joy. Jill suggests that all of these characteristics are choices that we condition within our brain. The right hemisphere also has within it our capacity to be compassionate to ourselves and others.
“Sadly, the expression of compassion is often a rarity in our society. Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time and energy degrading, insulting and criticizing ourselves (and others) for having made a “wrong” or “bad decision. When you berate yourself, have you ever questioned; who inside of you is doing the yelling, and at whom are you yelling? Have you ever noticed how these negative internal thought patterns have the tendency to generate increased levels of inner hostility and/or raised levels of anxiety? And to complicate matters even more, have you noticed how negative internal dialogue can negatively influence how you treat others and, thus what you attract?”( 138)
“My stroke of insight is that at the core of my right hemisphere consciousness is a character that is directly connected to my feeling of deep inner peace. It is completely committed to the expression of peace, love, joy and compassion in the world. “ (133)
“I believe the more time we spend running our inner peace, compassion circuitry, the more peace/compassion we will project into the world, and ultimately the more peace/compassion we will have on the planet. “ (135)
As I read Jill's account I couldn't help but find myself in her experience. The metaphor of stroke speaks to me as one who lived within a language I had no fluency in. I don't know what it is like to have a stroke. However, I do know what it feels like and how a human being (me) accommodates itself when the capacity to use verbal language changes or becomes incapacitated. Other capacities to communicate became more acute as I managed my way through life without the Korean language in Korea.
“With this shift into my right hemisphere, I became empathic to what others felt. Although I could not understand the words they spoke, I could read volumes from their facial expression and body language. I paid very close to how energy dynamics affected me. I realized that some people brought me energy while others took it away.” 74-5
In Korea since I could not connect to people through verbal language (left brain) I became so much more aware of the feel of my surroundings. I noticed things like the energy of a train full of people, the emotional condition of my classroom, the anxiety of people on the fast paced streets of Seoul, the elderly man staring down our loud group of foreigners on the bus. In fact the first time I became conscious of what Jill might call a "right brain" function was when I returned to the USA after living in Korea for 2 years. I had become so connected to people’s body language and emotional language that when I returned to the USA and found myself at checkout counters I was disengaged (in part) from this left-brained language center. The cashiers would talk to me, ask a clarifying question, or tell me how to use the ATM machine and I would not even hear their words. I wasn't used to people in public spaces speaking to me (besides the polite "HI"). Now that I was in my own language context I continued looking at people's facial expressions, their shoulders tensing up and leaning in towards me, and their hands motioning that there was something to pay attention to. Something in me was confused in the USA and I found public communication difficult. The cashiers emotional energy and their body language wasn't even in the same "language" as I had learned in Korea. That is when I realized I needed to listen to their English! I had to intentionally "flip a switch" in me. It is interesting to realize that living outside of one's language has the potential to make us more in tune with our right brain capacities.
Jill's uncovering of the right brain's function resonates with much of what contemplative authors or psychologists refer to as the "true self". It is fascinating that there is evidence in neurology to "prove" something that has been a mystery for many years. It is the right hemisphere that we speak of when we talk about our "heart". It is the place in us that is prepared to "have faith", to love, and to know peace and joy. Jill suggests that all of these characteristics are choices that we condition within our brain. The right hemisphere also has within it our capacity to be compassionate to ourselves and others.
“Sadly, the expression of compassion is often a rarity in our society. Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time and energy degrading, insulting and criticizing ourselves (and others) for having made a “wrong” or “bad decision. When you berate yourself, have you ever questioned; who inside of you is doing the yelling, and at whom are you yelling? Have you ever noticed how these negative internal thought patterns have the tendency to generate increased levels of inner hostility and/or raised levels of anxiety? And to complicate matters even more, have you noticed how negative internal dialogue can negatively influence how you treat others and, thus what you attract?”( 138)
“My stroke of insight is that at the core of my right hemisphere consciousness is a character that is directly connected to my feeling of deep inner peace. It is completely committed to the expression of peace, love, joy and compassion in the world. “ (133)
“I believe the more time we spend running our inner peace, compassion circuitry, the more peace/compassion we will project into the world, and ultimately the more peace/compassion we will have on the planet. “ (135)
I loved this book. Yet I did wonder what Jill would say about God and the role of God's spirit working on our brain to transform our practice of compassion, love, joy and peace. What would she say about our brain's capacity to engage with a mysterious Other--the God we find in Jesus Christ who unites himself to us-- who changes us so that we can be more whole in the way we live out of both our right and left brain hemispheres? If some of the classical Christian authors--including the Psalmist's-- knew what we know today I imagine they would say that Christ transforms our brain instead of our "soul" or "heart". The Shema (Deut 6:5) would sound so different-- "Love the Lord your God with all your brain". The Magnificat would be, "My brain magnifies the Lord." Psalm 139 would be, "Search me, Oh God and know my brain, test me and know my anxious thoughts." The beauty of what Jill reveals to us is that God works with humanity in the transformative process. She accentuates the capacity within us to change ourselves. And this is something we all need to hear. We are not victims to our circumstances and our emotions.
2.07.2009
Slumdog Memories of Survival
"It is the best movie of the year." I kept on hearing this from friends about the movie Slumdog Millionaire. Now that I've finally seen it I understand all the hype. It is the best movie I've seen in a LONG time.
Yesterday I took the bus to the AMC Theater for a matinee showing. With 7 other people I watched. In the opening scene I was brought to tears. Tears that come from a deep place. You might think this is odd. I did until I realized what was happening. I had this feeling like I had been there. Yet this was India. I've never been to India. I was playing with my friends in the slums, running through the streets, playing in the water, watching the murder of the one I love, and figuring out how I would survive. I've not been there but I've "been there". Slumdog is a story of survival and so much of my last 4 years has taken me into the stories of survival. Those unexpected tears revealed that my travels to places of suffering and survival continue to work in me.
I was brought right back to little boys playing in the water in the oil contaminated moor of Tonle Sap Lake(Cambodia). A part of you wants to share the joy of a child's laughter at play while another part cries tears of sorrow for the poverty.
I was reminded of the Manilan slums and the day when my eyes met children peeking out from behind the corrugated metal. How is life possible here? The dirt, grime and rust juxtaposed by the green potted plants and hanging flowers. Life was going on there.
I was at the Blind Massage Center in Vietnam lying face down on the table receiving a horrible massage This was a factory of blind masseurs. I was glad the young lady working on me had a job but I felt conflicted about what I was supporting.
I was at the orphanage in Rwanda staring suffering in the face--an infant boy. He seemed too traumatized to connect with another human being. Yet in nothing more than an instant I saw that life was still in him. There was still hope that he could let the love in. An infant....
I was at the Atomic Bomb Museum in Hiroshima reading the story of a child who was forced to labor even on the day she was ill. Her mother regretfully made the child go to perform her citizen duty. The child never came home but vanished. Only some belongings survived to prove she once existed.
I think I was watching my own movie yesterday. I am reminded that the life I choose to live must take these stories, these people, this poverty, this suffering and this survival with me. Actually they are already with me. It is a matter of my making room for them in my life. I no longer have the luxury of ignorance. The people, their stories, their struggle, their hope an their joy go with me. They ask, "Will you be hospitable to us in you so that we can be hospitable to others with you?"
I'm not sure you'd have the same experience watching Slumdog Millionaire but I highly recommend seeing it on the big screen! It will be like taking a trip to India!
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