The Alchemist

I finished a little book called, "The Alchemist".  It is a fable about a boy in search of a treasure.  Along the way, though the twists and turns, the ups and downs of his journey, he learns to pay attention to the life around him and the heart inside of him.  The boy learns to follow the "omens" and listen to "the soul of the world".   

In one scene the boy meets The Alchemist in the desert as he is on his way to find his "treasure".  

The boy says, "My heart is a traitor." "It doesn't want me to go on."

"That makes sense", the Alchemist answered.  "Naturally it's afraid that, in pursing your dream, you might lose everything you own."

"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet.  Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you repeating to you what your thinking about life and about the world." (130)

This conversation captivates me as I think about how in my own life the Holy Spirit speaks through the language of my heart.   I am learning how to listen to my heart, just like the the boy in the story, and find that it often takes great focus and discipline.  What has the possibility of coming so naturally often doesn't.  I have to uncover this heart of mine from beneath the layers "shoulds" "have-to's" and "oughts" created by other parts of me. 

 The Holy Spirit's gentle long-suffering commitment stays with us in our listening and non-listening days.  This is GRACE.  Imagine how gleeful God gets when we recognize the language of our hearts again.  Imagine who our very heart enlarges and grows as we pay attention to it's LIFE within us.  When we make room for it's LIFE I wonder what kind of LIFE might become the overflow?   I'm aware of my own fear of walking into my "listening" because it might ask me (gently) to lose the things I "love" the most.  This growing into grace isn't always the most fun thing in the world but it is the kind of adventure well worth embarking on regardless of the risks of "losing".

Later on the Alchemist says to the boy, "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself.  And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." (132)

The boy responds to The Alchemist, "When I had been truly searching for my treasure, I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve." (132)

I just wonder what kinds of communities could be created if more of us learned to listen the LIFE around us and in us.  What if a group of people decided to listen to the life around them?I think our hearts would be widened in compassion for the people and places we already interact with.  What if we decided to listen to the hearts inside of us?  I imagine many of us would find that some of the things we are pressing on towards are not really the desires of our heart.  If we learned to listen to the life around us and the hearts inside of us, I think we'd create a culture that our western world would look to in both disgust and wonder.  I'm still very much an apprentice to this listening life.  What I've begun to experience convinces me the listening life is the only way to LIFE.  My hunch is that if a people learned to listen together, we might become a more authentic kind of people together in and for our world.  

  

Adapting

I've made it through the winter without a car in the "good ol' USA". I never could have imagined riding my bike in January and February! But I have--not a whole lot but a few days! Most days I've taken the bus and walked. Thank goodness for warm clothes and yaktrak's(wire contraptions worn on your feet for walking on ice and snow). It hasn't only been walking, biking and busing because many times I've received rides from gracious friends. Other times I've borrowed a car for those longer distanced appointments. It is amazing how adaptable I've become in my own country for this season of life. I never could have imagined myself doing this years ago.

We were hearing news reports all week about a snow storm preparing to slam KC. So while I've enjoyed connecting to environment all winter long I had great plans of staying home today. I didn't want the hassle of all the snow, missed buses, and cold feet. I expected to wake up to snow on the ground. I didn't. I didn't expect to wake up to cold house. I did. Our heater is broken. I feel so bad for "my family". We've been dealing with heater problems on and off all winter. My dreams of staying in my pajama's all day with a cup of coffee and my computer in my lap were given a different dose of reality. My adaptability is once again called into action. What can I do? I know exactly what to do. Adapt.

So on this 28th day of March when most people are choosing to stay home I've headed out in the weather. I bundled up in layers and layers of clothing. No I didn't ride my bike. I'm not that crazy(I don't have studded tires). I dawned my fancy yaktrack foot devices so I'd have firm footing on the ice covered ground and headed out on the day's adventure. I've not known where it would take me. So the day of laziness at home turned into a visit to the library, and a favorite coffee shop. The library was packed with people from the neighborhood. The coffee shop was empty!! I hung out with the owner most of the afternoon. Maybe I'll go to The Plaza next. Tonight I'll walk home in the snow to sleep in my down sleeping bag. It will be like camping. I love camping! I'll be connecting to the environment in a new way--and hope the heater can be rectified soon or that the weather will soon return to spring.

Mission Training International

I spent the last week at a retreat for missionaries in transition. When I returned from Korea there were a handful of missionaries who told me, "you really should get some debriefing". I knew they were right but didn't know where I could get that. Since I was in Korea as an independent there was no training pre-departure nor has there been any de-briefing on return. Then in early December a friend of a friend told me about Missions Training International. They do a "Debriefing and Renewal" program for missionaries in transition. I had to wait until March to get in. Their training and debriefing weeks fill up fast. Now I know why. I'm impressed by the special care taken in the details of our time together. I was impressed by the realness and vulnerability of the leadership. There was no Christian-ese spoken into our lives. I found the leaders to be full of grace and compassion. They created a safe place for me to be real. They recognized that sometimes there are no answers to our questions and that God is often more mysterious than we like to admit. I came away encouraged to live both within my passions but also within my limitations. I feel more affirmed and confident in the way God has been changing me and leading me.

I met missionaries who served in Asia, Africa, S. America and Russia. I loved that we shared so much in common. The joys and struggles I experienced in Korea were very much similar to others joys and struggles. I found great pleasure in hearing others stories and getting to share my own. Finally I feel normal! I found others who spoke "my language" and I found a language to explain my experience both overseas and in transition. There is something freeing and healing to naming an experience. Our leaders shared that it took them 4 years to feel like they were finally home and settled. That is a long time! It was suggested that if you double the amount of time you were gone, that this number is how many years you've moved away from your home context. So my 4 years abroad amounts to an 8 year gap of change in me and in my home context. I get that! No wonder the transition brings it's own stress and difficulty.

One of the key moments for me at the retreat was during the session on "stress". I was able to name stressors that I had not identified before. I never realized that my daily hassles in Korea were more like traumatic events to someone in my home culture. I survived so long with a linguistic handicap. I just got used to this hassle and lived well within it's limitations.

I had no idea how much I needed this past week. It was so clear on so many levels that God's hand was in my going and our learning together. The best part is that the roommate I had at the retreat lives in KC too. I came home from my debriefing with a new friend who is also in transition. What a HUGE gift from God.

Anyone who has lived overseas for more than a year really needs this kind of a program. If you are one of my friends in Korea who will eventually transition back to North America, I encourage you to put some money away now and plan on going when you come home. You won't be disappointed and I bet it will be just what you'll need. There is a terrific program for the kids and their transition too! It wasn't cheap but for me it was worth every penny.