Saturday night I felt like I traveled to a different country. I hosted 3 educators from Saudi Arabia and their translator for dinner along with 6 other guests. Of course I didn't go anywhere really. I was in Kansas City but I stepped into a whole different cultural paradigm. My fellow "travelers" gathered at the home of Judi and Keith Schwanz. (They are out of town and I'm the lucky house sitter.)
This opportunity came through KC's International Visitor Council(IVC). Anthony, who also participates in IVC and the one who helped me host, told his friends, “Hey, you want to come to this dinner with people from Saudi Arabia hosted by a girl I've just met at a house that isn’t hers?” 2 of his friends, B.J. and Brian, joined us along with Young, a student from NTS and Akmed, an Arabic speaker and IVC board member.
On the way out of the door the Saudi visitors shook everyone's hands--except for mine of course. (protecting me for marriage!) One of the Saudi men said to me in English, "You are a jewel". It was a dear expression of his appreciation. I'll take that over a handshake any day.
The evening started out with conversation around the topic of "women". When this conversation started all eyes were on me. I was the only female in the house. One of the Saudi men asked me, "Would you be open to marrying a Saudi man if you lived in Saudi Arabia?" This question wasn't that different from what I'd get asked in Korea. I responded, "No, I don't think I would." I explained that I thought the cultural differences were just too big. They asked me through their translator, "Can you tell us what you believe about women in Saudi Arabia?" This conversation caught me by surprise. I wasn't sure what was coming from our Saudi visitors and what was coming from the desire of the translator. I thought, "How do I say what I think without offending." But the three Saudi men seemed interested in knowing what I really thought. Once I got all my stereotypes out in the open the Saudi visitors tried to deconstruct them. They did it with great compassion.
The topic gave them the opportunity to share with the group the fundamentals of Islam. They explained that family is central to their lives. "Women are jewels", they said. "We won't shake your hand because we are protecting you for your future husband." I was warned before the dinner not to extend my hand because I am a female. I must confess this felt aukward when we first greeted. I learned why what seems like such a "safe" greeting in western culture doesn't feel safe at all to them.
They told us that a couple has a marriage contract. If a woman wants to work or go to school this is often a part of that contract. Also, money is set aside for the woman should there be a divorce. They conveyed to us that often men "pay" their wives for working in the home. If a woman works outside of the home she is entitled to do what she wants with this pay. "The woman is the queen," they said.
I asked if a woman could be single in their culture. I learned that "singleness" is different. No, a woman couldn't be single like I am single. They may not be married however they are always under the responsibility of a man. It might be her father, uncle, brother or son who oversees her needs. I smiled when they put it that way. Maybe on this point their communal way of thinking has something to teach this "individualist". While some of my stereotypes about women not being educated or women not having a right to an opinion were deconstructed I'm certain that I'm not a good match for a man from the Saudi/Islam culture. I'd have to say to any prospects, "Let's just be friends."
During the rest of the evening I enjoyed friendly conversation. Our Saudi guests shared poetry and sang memorized portions of the Koran. We learned things like what they do for fun and how one becomes an Imam. Just as our chili dinner was ending we were asked if they could do their sundown prayers.
There they were in the formal living room facing the east (or what we hoped was the east), reciting prayers in Arabic, and bowing with heads touching the floor. The rest of us just sat in silence watching. I think all of us realized we had stepped into a piece of Saudi Arabia at that moment.
Once they finished they sat on the floor and asked that the rest of us join them there. We circled up on the floor and shared an intimate moment of thanksgiving for each other. One of the Saudi guests thanked us for showing such kind hospitality. "We have seen the educational system but tonight we have experienced how Americans socialize." Akmed, the IVC Board member, kindly whispered that I needed to say something to the visiting guests. In that moment it struck me how profound this evening had been. We had 3 people from Saudi Arabia, 2 people who were originally from Egypt, 1 South Korean and 4 people from the U.S. It is pretty incredible when people from such different backgrounds and different belief systems come together and enjoy each others company. I was grateful.
At the end of the evening--even after all that talk about women--all of the guys helped me clear the table and load the dishwasher. Even the men from Saudi Arabia were helping out. I told them, "Make sure you take a picture to show your wives." They laughed...and took pictures.
On the way out of the door the Saudi visitors shook everyone's hands--except for mine of course. (protecting me for marriage!) One of the Saudi men said to me in English, "You are a jewel". It was a dear expression of his appreciation. I'll take that over a handshake any day.
