"Stare and Play Here"

The subway in Korea almost always creates a "moment". The other day I was on my way to get some acupuncture in Busan. Yes, I'm willingly having my body poked with needles. It really isn't as bad as I dreamt it might be. On the subway I sat in my favorite place--at the edge, next to the door, and only next to one other person. We had just stopped and started again. A Korean woman walked through the maze of people standing or "surfing" the isle. She seemed starteled more than usual at the sight of me. I was getting my fare share of staring before she took her glance but the reaction on her face was either one of sheer horror or intense curiosity. She bent over from the waste, her knees cracked to stoop and take a better look at her specimen...me. I had a purple ski hat on. I don't think she was looking at that. My eyes seemed to be the subject of her horrifying admiration. I forget how different I am in Korea because when I look out everyone around me is the same. Imagine two bright blue eyes starring at me in a sea of dark brown ones. I must have been something to see. Others noticed her intrusion. She listened to their stares. So she took a seat next to the elderly woman to my left. As we rode along, now I was hyper aware of my surroundings and how out of place I was, I watched as she secretly tried to catch more glimpses of me. I wondered, "What did she think she was seeing?? It occurred to me that she might have a disability because it is so unlike people in Korea to make such obvious intrusions. I was very aware of her but I tried to sit there as if I was oblivious.

I had transferred subway lines. I had been in a new subway car in a seat jammed in between hips wider than mine. Not to knock my medium size...but to sit between woman noticeably wider than myself is a rare and memorable occasion in Korea. Just as I got up from the seat I heard someone say, "Hello, catch". The subway is a quiet place. So of course I heard it. Often I want to just ignore the random, "hello's" thrown my way. People often try to be polite by offering a greeting in my native tongue. Or they hope to practice their own list of English phrases on someone who understands. I thought about just ignoring the "hello" completely. But how could I ignore this one. It was different. "Hello, catch?"  What was that about? I was the only foreigner in the whole car and it was obvious the man was calling out to ME! He said it again, "Hello, catch". I must say I've had my share of a million "Hello's" in Korea but this was a first. If I didn't turn around to acknowledge him, I'd shame him even more than he'd just shamed himself by breaking the sacred communal silence. Against my first desire I turned around to find an elderly man with a basketball in his hands. He held on to the ball and motioned with it for me to "catch". "What play catch with you on the subway?" I was thinking to myself, "This is either the day of crazy people on the subway or I have a sign on my head which reads, 'stare and play here'. What else could it be? So I caught the basketball and watched his mouth grin from ear to ear. I'm sure I made his day and he could care less about anyone else on the subway. All the while I knew I was the one everyone was staring at not him. "Look at that tall blond who is playing catch with an old man and a basketball." Little could they, the masses, know about my history with a basketball. I throw it back to him with a little uncertainty and embarrassment and shortly after exited the subway full of stares.

I'm reminded that no matter how hard I try to fit into the culture I've been living in for a short 3 1/2 years I'm still very much a guest and an oddity. In the beginning, at times it was fun to be noticed and yet after 3 years the fun has subsided. I keep thinking the curiosity and experimentation with my foreignness should go away. I wonder what they think I am? Who do they make me(us)out to be? I'm not only a guest but an "item" to see and interact with. There is curiosity all around...for them and for me. Sometimes their curiosity lies dormant but when it decides to wake up it screams of experimental interaction. If they only knew half of what lie beneath the purple hat, blue eyes, tall frame and blond hair... We both might be surprised.  There might be more room for "staring" and "playing" here in Korea.