Finding Faith: A Story From The Bleeding Woman

Sermon Preached at Korea Nazarene International English Church on May 5, 2008.
Matthew 9: 18-26
Preached in the 1st Person


I want to share my story with you today. Maybe some of you already know about it. You can read my story in Matthew, Mark or Luke’s gospel. Today you heard my story from Matthew 9: 18-26. Often people refer to me as the “Bleeding woman”. While I am her, the one the gospels refer to, I am no longer a "bleeding woman".

I remember that night like it was last night. There is no single night of my life more transforming than that one. Since that day I’ve not had any problems with my periods. I hope that you'll excuse my bluntness. My body is now on a regular cycle. Praise be to God. That night, the night I encountered Jesus Christ and was healed by him, was the first night of the rest of my life.

Up until that night I was a mess. 12 years of rejection and separation from any sense of community. My problem was detestable to everyone. When I’m really honest with myself, my problem was also detestable to me. I was dirty all the time. There was no freedom from it—blood…all the time. The smell kept people away from me. The smell kept me away from me—there was so much shame. I got used to living this way…well as much as any woman can get used to it. I never got used to the constant scrubbing and washing… scrubbing and washing. I’d work so hard to have clean clothes. I’d spend hours getting the stains out. I did it all alone. No one wanted to be near me. I’d try to hide so the community didn’t have to see me or deal with me. I’d scrub so hard that my knuckles became raw, waterlogged and weary. No one saw my pain. No one knew my struggle. They couldn’t because the law was in their way. We all knew what the law instructed us to do with people like me. If you look back at the Torah-Lev. 15: 25ff—it gives specific instructions. (Read in part)

“If a woman has a discharge of blood for many days, not at the time of her impurity, or if she has a discharge beyond the time of her impurity, for all the days of the discharge she shall continue in uncleanness; as in the days of her impurity, she shall be unclean.”

I remember just wanting to be touched. A pat on the back… A hand on my shoulder… A hug… For 12 years there was nothing. Young children—newborns can die without touch. I can assure you I was a dead woman. I may have had a heartbeat but inside I was dead.

To the community I was dead. I could see it in their eyes. Sometimes it was sadness or pity. Sometimes it was fear. Other times it was scorn. Like I had anything to do with my problem. Did I deserve this? Did they deserve me? The community was afraid for their own wellbeing. As I’d wash my clothes I’d think to myself…if only they could see beyond the bleeding. If they could only see beyond the rules and separate me from them.... What could my life be like if they were not afraid? What would life be like if they were free to touch, free to know me? What if they were even free to know themselves through me? Life doesn’t have to be this way—for me or for them.

The only thing I saw that was separating us was our Torah. People had such strong faith in this law. I understand why they did. The law was given to us to create a special called out community. It was there to help preserve our relationship with God. It was there to help me know how to be a part of the community too!

But I always had so many questions about the way we followed the law. Something seemed to be missing. We believed these rules had the ability to preserve us as God’s people. Yet people fought over how we should keep them. People worked so hard to remember the laws of our faith. But hadn’t we forgotten something? What about the suffering? Did God want us to forget about the suffering? What about the unclean people like myself? Did God want us to forget, hate or disregard people deemed unclean? What about the sinners? Did God want them to be outcasts and dehumanized as sinners? When did our faith in the law begin to separate us from sinners, from the unclean and from the suffering?

Sometimes I wanted to scream out, “I am a human being”. “The only difference between us is my blood.” God made this law to care for his people—the rich and the poor, the sick and the healthy, the educated and the uneducated. God made the law to bring us together as a people who love each other like God so loved us. I wanted to be apart of their community.

I longed to be healthy. I had spent everything on doctors. It was all gone. There had been so many doctors’ visits. There had been so many temple visits. Nothing worked. In fact my problems only worsened. I had become a shell of a person. After bleeding for 12 years a body doesn’t function right. I was anemic. I had become so weary and frail.

I remember hearing rumblings in the street about this Jesus. We had others who had come into town to work miracles. God knows I had tried to find healing in them. There were other prophets who had come with “good news” to share with us. But the way people talked about this man Jesus made me interested. I heard this Jesus was a rabbi. He was a teacher of the law. He wasn’t a law keeper in the way of the other rabbi’s. He seemed to genuinely care about people. He even seemed to love people. He spoke truth to people and sometimes his truth made them angry.

However, this rabbi Jesus, a teacher of the Torah was going around breaking the law! He was healing people on the Sabbath. He was touching the sick. He was even eating with sinners!!! He spent time with the rich and the poor. There was something about the heart of Jesus that reminded me of what I wanted to believe about the heart of God. Jesus was a different kind of rabbi. I thought to myself, “This man who heals the blind, who makes the lame walk, who casts out demons…if he does all that…surely if he is willing he can heal my illness. If only he could see me. If only he could see my pain. If only he could know what I’ve been through. If only he could have compassion on me. Then I would be made well.”

And then…. there he was. It was as if God heard my heart’s cry. Have you ever cried out to God and known that he heard you? That night I knew God had heard me! I had faith that Yahweh—the God of the torah had heard me. I knew I had a decision to make. I’d either “keep my faith” and do what the torah ordered—stay away from people so as not to make them unclean and shame myself. Or I’d believe that Yahweh had heard me. I’d believe God was leading me to this Jesus today!

That day had been especially difficult for me. I had just finished washing my clothes. I was exhausted. I had nothing left in me. I barely had enough energy to walk home. It was around the dinner hour. The sun was just starting to set. I noticed there was a crowd gathering. People were running past me shouting to one another, “It’s Jesus”. “Let’s go see Jesus.” That is when I noticed the crowd was moving in my direction. It got closer and through a tiny opening I saw him---that was Jesus. The opening in the crowd closed quickly so I couldn’t see him anymore but I knew he was there.

There was this tiny glimmer of hope in me. I have no idea where it came from but I felt this energy in me, definitely the last bit of energy I had. It entered into my legs and arms. It touched a deep place in my heart. It was almost as if Yahweh was whispering life into me, “I hear you”.

I began to walk towards the oncoming crowd. People sneered at me and leaped away so as not to touch me. The closer I got to Jesus the more people crowded near Jesus. I could not help but touch everyone around me. I knew I was breaking the law. I knew people were going to be angry with me for making them unclean. I knew they’d want to accuse me of losing my faith! But in the middle of that crowd was Jesus. Jesus! Nothing in my last 12 years had cured my disease. My life had reached a dead end. And maybe that is why that voice in my heart spoke louder—“I hear you”.

With everything left in me I pushed my way through the crowd. I remember thinking, “What will Jesus think of me?” Yet that voice was still there--“Yahweh hears you.” So I decided--“If I can only touch a piece of his cloak, then I will be healed.”

And then I did it. I touched him. I was so afraid. I only managed to touch a tiny piece of his clothing. But it was all I needed. Jesus turned around. I can’t believe he noticed. How did he notice so quickly? I didn’t even touch him… I touched the end of his cloak.

He looked me straight in the eyes. His eyes said it all. There was no sound. The crowd was quiet. The disciples were quiet too. Jesus without saying a word peered deep into my heart with his eyes and said, “I hear you.” In that moment he looked into my heart and saw my pain. He knew my suffering. He knew my disappointments. He knew I had been living dead. He knew all about me. Then he said something that changed my life forever. He said, “Take heart daughter, your faith has made you well.”

It was that voice—I knew it—the voice of Yahweh. That voice that had drawn me to Jesus. That voice that had encouraged me to know I wasn’t alone. Jesus had the voice of Yahweh! Jesus heard me!

He called me Daughter! Jesus the rabbi called me daughter. He could of called me “woman” or “girl” but he called me “daughter”. He gave me my place back into the community! I was no longer unclean. I was a part of the family. I belonged. Do you know what if feels like to belong? Everyone wants to belong but for so long I hadn’t. Now I belonged. I had forgotten what it was like but in that moment when Jesus looked into my heart and called me daughter I felt whole.

“Take heart daughter, your faith has made you well.” I thought I had lost my faith—lost my faith in the law and lost my faith in the Jewish community. This faith, whatever was left of it, like the body I lived in was so anemic. In the face of Jesus I realized what real faith was. Real faith was faith in something much greater than the law. It was faith in what the law pointed to—Yahweh! It was faith in the heart of God for his people. It was faith in the God who whispers life into all of us—“I hear you”. I knew that the people were right about this Jesus. He wasn’t like the other rabbi’s. His heart was God’s heart. My faith was in him. I had found real faith and this faith made me well!! Life would never be the same again.

In the days after people would come up to me and be amazed by what Jesus had done for me. People were amazed also at my faith. I was never surprised by their amazement at what Jesus had done. Yet I was surprised by how they put me on a pedestal for my faith. What people don't often remember is that for 12 years I had tried every last thing. I had put my faith and hope in doctors. I had put my faith in the law. I had put my faith in the Jewish community. Nothing healed me. Nothing brought me back into the community. My faith was nothing spectacular because on that night Jesus healed me I had nothing left but my faith in God. Every other hope had been dashed. God was all I had left. 12 years had stripped me down to nothing but my faith in God. And that faith was as tiny as a mustard seed. And it was enough.

Sometime after that night a few of my friends told me more of what Jesus was doing that night. Jesus had been eating at Matthew’s house. Jairus, the synagogue leader who apparently had just lost his daughter rushed into the house and knelt down at Jesus’ feet. People who were there said it was like watching a man kneeling before a king. They described Jairus as being pale like a dead man. I’m not surprised. If I had just lost my daughter, I’d feel like I had just died too! I am pretty sure Jairus was as desperate that night as I was. He took a huge risk to interrupt Jesus’ dinner at Matthew’s home. But hurting parents take huge risks in order to save their children. It doesn’t matter if you are a synagogue ruler or a poor beggar on the street. Jairus interrupted the whole dinner and Jesus didn’t hesitate to listen to him. Jesus got up from the table and followed Jairus. Can you imagine? Here Jesus was in the middle of teaching a very important lesson, he was interrupted, and he left with Jairus! And then on the way to Jairus’ home I came along. I interrupted Jesus’ interruption. It was a night of interruptions.

Yet looking back none of it seemed like an interruption to Jesus. Jesus seemed to know exactly what he was doing. As wonderful as my healing was for me and as much as it changed my life I have come to realize that Jesus was using my healing to teach the public about who he was. He was using my healing to bring Jairus into a new kind of faith. Jairus the teacher of the law watched as Jesus healed me-- an unclean woman. Jesus wasn’t angry by my touch but loved me. Jesus was showing Jairus that he was the one in whom all faith lived. Jesus showed Jairus that he calls sons and daughters back to life. I’m humbled that Jesus would not only give me new life but use my life to give others new life too. When Jairus got back to his home that night all the people laughed at Jesus. After what Jairus had seen in me—a daughter raised from the dead—I am sure he had great faith and hope in what Jesus was about to do.

The more I reflect on my healing the more that I celebrate Yahweh, Emmanuel, and Jesus Christ. Jesus raised me from “the dead”. He raised Jairus’ daughter from the dead. He also raised Jairus from the dead! He welcomed two daughters back to life. He gave me belonging! He returned Jairus’ daughter to him. He transformed my life and even though he said “my faith” made me well his actions that day helped my faith to grow.

I never want to forget that night. I want everyone to know what Jesus did. Jesus helped me find a real faith. Through Jesus I know that I know that God hears me! God hears us!!

For some time I’ve been carrying this piece of cloth around with me. Just because I got my life back it doesn’t mean that life is now problem free. There are days when I still feel down. I still have stress. I have days when I feel alone. There are days when I have no idea how I’ll finish everything I need to. There are days when I’m uncomfortable about not knowing what my future holds. There are days when people still say hurtful things to me. But regardless of all of it I have faith. I’ve decided to put my trust in Jesus above everything else. To remind me of my decision to trust Jesus I carry this cloth with me wherever I go. When I feel down, stressed or alone I take this symbol—this cloth out and hold it for a while in my hand. This cloth reminds me of those 12 years of washing clothes. This cloth reminds me of that tiny piece of Jesus’ clothing I touched. This cloth reminds me to put my faith in Jesus. It reminds me that he hears me. It reminds me that he loves me. It reminds me that I belong to him. I’m his daughter. Nothing else matters as much when I remember I’m his.

As I leave today I want to give you a gift. I hope it will help you find your faith in Jesus. I want you to take a piece of cloth. Put it someplace where it can remind you of your faith in Jesus. When you feel like you have nothing left, I invite you to reach out and touch this cloth. When you feel like you are separated from the community, reach for it. When you struggle with your faith in rules and the community, reach out for Jesus. If only you can touch his cloak, then you too can be made well. Take heart sons and daughters of God, your faith has made you well.