Prayer: In response to reading

Tim Keel of Jacobs Well is hosting a book reading "club" on his website. He's posting each week on the book, "The Good Life", by Rob Benson. It is an introduction to the Benedictine rule of life.  One of the hopes I had in returning to the USA was joining an oblate group and/or learning formally about the Benedictine rule.  I've found that oblate group or it found me... And was pleasantly surprised when a friend linked me to Tim's blog regarding his book reading "club".  This week I commented on Tim's entry "BBC 2: Prayer - Introduction which I've posted below. 

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It is a peculiar thing this prayer. Even more peculiar is the way in which I was taught to pray and the way in which the young spirit in me was drawn to pray as a child/adolescent. They couldn’t have been more different.

I remember great Sunday school teachers and summer camp speakers giving me the sure fire formula for prayer. Was it fashioned after the Lord’s Prayer? A.C.T.S. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication (su-pli what?) It was so scientific this way of breaking up the kinds of things we say in prayer yet without mention of the kind of listening that prayer calls us to. I can’t even count the number of “prayer journals” I tried to start over the years. Some people fair well by keeping track of all the prayer requests and how God answers but that has lasted at most only a couple of weeks for me. There were times when I just thought I wasn’t cut out for this prayer stuff. And you know, I’ve come to realize, I’m not. I’m not cut out for the “stuff “ that goes with prayer.

I was a praying child and my sense is that many kids regardless of their faith traditions at home were praying children. As a kid prayer was a conversation with this “Other” I knew but was only beginning to name GOD, Jesus and Holy Spirit. I knew Him, this One we talked to before bed, this One they sang to in “big” church, and this One we heard about in Sunday school. But I knew him even before that. This "One" or "Other" was so present and so near. I'd fall asleep at night knowing this One was right there with me. Some kids had the boogie man and I had the "Other" hiding out in my room.

As a pre-teen I had a paper route. It was and continues to be the greatest organic spiritual practice of my life. Each weekday and each weekend over a period of 3 years I rolled 60 plus newspapers bagged them and delivered them around the neighborhoods on my bicycle. From my current vantage point I know this life period fostered a way knowing God in a deeper way.  I had no idea what I was doing at the time!  From outward appearances I was a little girl preparing papers for delivery—how boring-- but on the inside I was a little girl playing with her Father, shooting the breeze, reviewing my day with Him, listening to His voice of correction or encouragement…mostly encouragement during those tumultuous days. I’d set off on my bike into the apartment complexes and sometimes got caught “talking to myself”. Embarrassing! Everyday for about 2 hours I’d hang out with this ONE. No one told me I’d meet Him there or that I should expect Him. He was just there and somehow I recognized God inviting me into a conversation. No one told me, “This would be a great devotional time”. If they had, I would have gotten out my notebook of prayers and made sure I was praying by the correct formula! Oh what a huge loss that could have been. The grace of not “knowing” I was praying was the grace of being able to pray fully, freely, and in a deeply filling way.  

I experience the guilt of not “praying” in my adult life at times. I’ve not been very “good” at setting out specific times of “prayer”. As I get older I realize I do need this. I find that when I keep regular times of prayer that my whole being is more in tune with what is real. This said prayer has taken on a more holistic meaning. While regular times of sitting and speaking and listening with God are needed, I still mind myself recovering that childhood way--it is much harder as an adult. Sometimes I  find that prayer happens when I’m running, walking, or biking. It happens when I with friends, on the bus and in the coffee shop. You know when I notice I don't pray much is when I'm on the internet or watching TV. Why is that? Often there is this running conversation going on in my head still even as an adult. I’m definitely not always aware of it! Many times I'm not. The challenge for me lately is to do less of the talking and more of the listening! I never thought of myself as the typical chatty girl but when it comes to my speaking with God that is exactly what I am. There is this deep drawing in me lately to let my words be few and let my presence be full. This is no A.C.T.S. kind of prayer! There is no formula or science. And I’ve turned to the monastics I'm finding the kind of mentoring my so as to learn   my praying heart longs for.