Confession of Prejudice

Today I was walking to Nazarene Theological Seminary. It is only a 35 minute walk from where I live. 4 years ago to walk 35 minutes to my destination was out of the question. Today it feels like nothing and when the weather is nice--like it was today==I enjoy it.

As I passed a gas station I noticed a guy outside of his car struggling to push it from the turn lane into the gas station. I didn't know what the problem was but I wondered if he ran out of gas. He looked like he was struggling and was clearly out of patience. I would have been too. I walked past and this little voice in me said, "Why don't you help him!" "You cold help him push the car to safety". As soon as my voice of compassion finished another voice, a reason-able, voice piped in. It said, "Is it safe for you to help him? " "Can you trust him?" "He looks like a gangster." Just as I was about to walk off leaving him all alone to his problem I turned around. I yelled out, "Can I help you push?" He looked up at me surprised. I could see his mind moving with thought and then he said, "You could help me steer the car." I got in and shut the door. I had committed for better or worse. Others came to help the guy push as I steered. I didn't realize the car was in park. Oops... Once we got the car in neutral we moved it into the gas station. The guy was so relieved. He looked 50 pounds lighter. He thanked me and the others and I went on my way.

I saw prejudice in me today that I'm not proud of. It surprised me because in the last 2 weeks I've felt more at home when I'm around non-white people. Most days I'm recognizing a prejudice against my own skin color! In Kansas City I've been so disturbed by the distinct lines between "white places" and "black places." "Rich places" and "poor places". Today, however, it was more than just a "race" thing. It was also this stereotype that goes along with urban men. There is a vulnerability I feel in their midst that I don't feel among other men. If you look like a gangster I feel fear. If you are a white or yellow gangster I'd feel fear too. I often dress like a sports woman. I wonder what feelings of prejudice this creates in people? ; ) It wasn't easy to offer my help today. It was the natural response but yet something else about me rejected that natural response. I'm so grateful, however, that today I got to watch a face crinkle with frustration turn soft with relief and gratefulness. This was not a black or white response. It wasn't a gangster response. It was a human response. The frustration he felt was the same frustration I would have felt. The relief he felt was the relief I too would have felt. A human being needed help. A human being wanted to offer help.

I'm challenged today. What does it mean to be a white Christian in Kansas City? What would it take to cross the bridge of racial barriers here? If there are racial barriers popping out of me, there are barriers in a whole lot of people. What can we do to help the prejudices melt? How would a community change if we could see the humanity before the race, sex or style?