Never Be Fast Enough Or Always Be Slow Enough

For me sabbatical is a time of reorienting. I'm so used to expend, expend, expend. What would it feel like if for months I expended less than what I took in? Like if I was saving more than I was spending? It seems like a great financial plan. So why not try it out on my mind, body and spirit? Maybe the banks should learn this! My challenge has been to rest in the open days without feeling like I should be doing something else "more productive". This is so not my habit. I've lived a life of "productivity" and it is time to reorient what productivity means.

This weekend I found a passage I had written almost 2 years ago while I was traveling in Europe. I had missed my flight due to poor planning and poor internal listening. I hadn't realized how sick and exhausted I had become. After going the wrong way on a subway I arrived to the airport only minutes too late. I wrote this after returning to my hotel to rest,

"Slow down. Enjoy the day. Don't worry about what's left to see or what you don't have time for. Embrace your now and here. Take the week one hour at a time. Look forward but not so much that you can't enjoy the experience at hand. Feel. What is your body, mind and spirit needing of you now? You have a choice--never be fast enough or always be slow enough."

What would being slow enough look like? I definitely don't know the full picture. But I am at least onto a start.

I made a few promises to myself before I left Korea. At the start they were financial choices. Now they are proving to be much much more. In a time of life where I'm needing to learn to slow down and when I'm trying to figure out how to connect to American culture in life giving ways I've needed these commitments.

One commitment was to not get a cell phone for at least 2 months. That seemed like an eternity! "Try it out" "See how absolutely 'essential' it is." A 2 year cell phone contract feels ridiculous when I don't know where I'll be in six months let alone 2 years from now. For now I've found a way around a cell phone in a neo-traditional way. Phone cards and home phones still work great. Surprise, surprise. Other times I can be reached at my Skype number. I'm just not tied to my phone or to paying 40 plus dollars a month for 2 years.

Not having a cell phone is slowing me down. It frees me up to experience place and people more fully. I may miss opportunities to meet up with people "now" but when did we become a people of "right now"? I find myself planning further in advance and not feeling like I can change my plans because something else came up. Keeping commitments...another good thing. Instant contact in our day has created more flexibility and therefore, in my opinion, fuller schedules. There are fewer interruptions without a cell. For now I don't miss having one. I can do this slow down for more than 2 months!

Not having a car definitely slows me down. This slow down has its challenges. Those challenges will grow as the weather changes. But so far I've been so grateful for the experience. Obviously I'm grateful for the monster savings. As I've ridden my bike, taken the bus and walked I've enjoyed a deeper connectedness to the local community. I think when we drive everywhere we don't engage place the way we do when we are out in it. We go too fast to be connected. Also there is less emotional connection with our surroundings. Well, except for the "stupid" driver who just cut you off from the turning lane.

I've seen and heard a lot on bike, bus and foot. I see the manicured lawns. I hear birds, cicadas and dogs. I notice the small little shops hidden behind the chain stores. I get to talk to random people. I've talked to students on bikes, a Holocaust survivor, a woman who just got "deals" at the CVS store and a man having a conversation with himself. These conversations are a welcome edition to my life. I've not been able to talk to 99% of strangers for 4 years.

I've also been more connected to the weather and feel the onset of fall. A week ago I rode in a down poor and found myself waiting outside in it. Rain gear was essential. When is the last time I stood outside in a rain storm? It has been a while. I saw my first "burning tree" Sunday. It's leaves have turned brilliant red.

So while I'm not as free to go far from my local area, not as free to make evening appointments, I'm finding it keeping my life slower and making me more connected to people and place. I'm connecting with an America that is beautiful. What a difference from never being fast enough!